The Last Post on this Blog - *The Last Post on this Blog * Yes. You read it right. This will be the last post on the Swarthy Daisy Knows blog. It has been a good run. I began blo...
1 year ago
God came down and first he went to the Germans and said, "I have
Commandments for you that will make your lives better."
And the Germans asked, "What are Commandments?"
And the Lord said, "Rules for living."
"Can you give us an example?"
"Thou shalt not kill."
"Not kill? We're not interested."
So He went to the Italians and said, "I have Commandments."
And the Italians wanted an example, and the Lord said, "Thou
shalt not steal."
"Not steal? We're not interested."
He went to the French and said, "I have Commandments."
The French wanted an example and the Lord said, "Thou shalt not
covet thy neighbor's wife."
"Not covet my neighbor's wife? We're not interested."
He went to the Jews and said, "I have Commandments."
"Commandments? How much are they?"
"Great. Can we get 10?"
(26 May 2006, Malaysia)
A woman found a text message from another woman her husband's
phone. A bitter argument ensued. In a desperate effort to
prove his faithfulness, her 41-year-old husband rushed from
the room and cut off his own penis! In earlier times, he
would have succeeded in ending his reproductive days. But
modern medicine is miraculous. The organ was reattached
by doctors, and the man earns an Honorable Mention for his
heroic, but ultimately unsuccessful, effort to remove himself
from the gene pool.
The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean,
life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you
get in the end of it? Death. What's that...a bonus? I think
the life cycle is all backwards.
(1) You should die first, you know, start out dead, get it
out of the way. You wake up in a an old age home, feeling
better every day.
(2) You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect
your pension, then, when you start work, you get a gold
watch on your first day.
(3) You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy
your retirement. You drink alcohol, you party, play golf,
you're generally promiscuous (hey, you've only got a few
years left, what's the big deal?!?) and you get ready for
(4) Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you
play, you have no responsibilities, and, finally, you become
(5) The last step, you spend your last 9 months floating
peacefully with luxuries like central heating, spa, room
service on tap, larger quarters everyday, then you finish
off as an orgasm!
The following small quiz consists of 4 questions. It tells
whether you are qualified to be a professional. Around 90%
of the professionals failed the exam.
1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
The correct answer is open the refrigerator, put in the
giraffe and close the door. This question tests whether you
are doing simple things in a complicated way.
2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Wrong Answer: Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant
and close the refrigerator. Correct Answer: Open the
refrigerator, take out of the giraffe, put in the elephant and
close the door. This tests your prudence.
3. is hosting an animal conference, all the animals
attend except one. Which animal does not attend?
Correct Answer: The Elephant!...It's still in the
refrigerator! This tests whether you have comprehensive thinking.
OK, if you did not answer the last three questions correctly,
this one may be your last chance to testify your qualifications
to be a professional.
4. There is a river, which is infested by crocodiles. How do you
manage to cross it?
Correct Answer: Simply swim through it. All the crocodiles
are attending the Animal Meeting! I hope you got this one
correct at least!