May 26, 2010

"Who wears the pants?"

Bob was going to be married to Laura, so his father sat him down
for a little chat. He said "Bob, let me tell you something.
On my wedding night, I took off my pants handed them to
your mother and told her to try them on, she did and said
'they're too big, I can't wear them.' I told her 'exactly...I wear
the pants in the family and I always will.' Ever since that night
we have never had any problems."

Bob thought it was a good thing to try. On his honeymoon Bob
took off his pants and told Laura to try them on, she did and
said "these are too large, they don't fit me" Bob told her "exactly,
I wear the pants in the family don't forget it".
So Laura took off her panties and said "here try mine" Bob did
and said "I can't get into your panties"
Laura said "exactly! and if you don't change your smart ass
attitude you never will!"

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May 24, 2010

"How old am I?"

A woman decides to have a face-lift for her 50th birthday.
She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.

On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper.
Before leaving, she says to the clerk, 'I hope you don't mind my
asking, but how old
do you think I am?
'About 32,' is the reply.'
'Nope! I'm exactly 50,' the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into Mc Donald's and asks the counter
girl the very same
The girl replies, 'I'd guess about 29.'
The woman replies with a big smile, 'Nope, I'm 50.'

Now she's feeling really good about herself ...
She stops in a drug store on her way down the street.
She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks
the clerk this burning question.

The clerk responds, 'Oh, I'd say 30.'

Again she proudly responds, 'I'm 50,
but thank you!'
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man
waiting next to her
the same question.
He replies, 'Lady, I'm 78 and my eyesight is going.
Although, when I was young there
was a sure-fire way to tell
how old a
woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires
to let me put my hands under your bra.
Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are.'

They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the best of her.

She finally blurts out, 'What the hell, go ahead.'

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to
feel around very slowly and carefully.

He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple.

He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.

After a couple of minutes of this, she says, 'Okay, okay ... How old am I?'

He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands,
and says, 'Madam, you are 50.'

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, 'That was incredible, how could you tell?'

The old man says, 'Promise you won't get mad?'

'I promise I won't' she says.

'I was behind you at Mc Donald's.'

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May 22, 2010

Yes , we can...but we won't...

CNN conducted a new study about race: the researchers concluded that both Caucasian and African-American children are still as biased towards lighter skin as they were in the 1940's. Um...duh?! Did we really need a study to confirm what we already know?

Why did people automatically assume that an African-American president would compel racism to cease to exist? So after hundreds of years of slavery, the Unprejudiced/No Racism Fairy would magically appear, wave her wand and sprinkle fairy dust, causing all bigotry, intolerance, and self-hatred to miraculously disappear? If you believe that, I have an island in New York City for sale.

Now back to the study. Of course it reiterated what most people already know, but one part that stood out was a statement made by child psychologist Margaret Beale Spencer:

"Parents have to reframe what children experience ... basically reframing messages that children get from society."

That, my dear readers, is the reason why there is so much hate in this world. I understand that she is referring to African-American families, but just think about it: if parents took the time to replace, instead of reinforcing the negativity taught to their children, the human race could finally take initiative and head towards utopia, a.k.a. world peace!

When parents neglect that vital aspect in a child's upbringing, the child must rely on their friends and media for edification. That's basically the blind leading the blind. Does this world really need anymore light-skinned, light-eyed, blond, stick figures? We come in all different colors and sizes for a reason. Instead of ostracizing people who are different, why not embrace nationality? This has all been said millions of times before, but so many people are neither listening to nor hearing what is being said.

Since I don't have children, I rarely give advice to parents, but when I do it is usually to remind them to teach their children self-love. Kudos to the parents who realize that self-image and self-esteem inter-depend with every decision that will be made by their children in the future.

I could go into a rant, but I'm reserving my energy for short-term goals, like battling this sinus cold. Do you have anything to add? I'm listening!

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May 1, 2010

Movie List - 4/2010

Since I forgot about this section of my blog, I decided to forgo the rating system and just list the movies that I've watched during that particular month. Any movie that is highlighted should definitely be checked out! Movies that are in bold are considered to be good, but not great. (6/27/2011)

Movie List - 4/2010


The Blind Swordman: Zatoichi
Terminator: Salvation
Poltergeist II
Poltergeist III
District 13: Ultimatum
The Descent: Part 2
Sherlock Holmes
The Corner (HBO Miniseries - 2000)
Lake Mungo
The Brothers Grimm
The Invention of Lying
The Blind Side
The Yards
The Fourth Kind
Public Enemies
Ninja Assassin
Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant
Couples Retreat
Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans
Sleep Dealer

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