December 27, 2010

Hey, since we're now living in the time of e-mail (and blogs and texts and Tweets) and the more common use of the written language, it is time for an English lesson.

So, with tongue firmly in cheek, here are some rules to keep in mind when using the Queen's Engerlish:

1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.

2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.

4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat).

6. Always avoid annoying alliteration.

7. Be more or less specific.

8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.

9. Also, too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.

10. No sentence fragments. No comma splices, run-ons are bad too.

11. Contractions aren't helpful and shouldn't be used.

12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.

14. One should never generalize.

15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

16. Don't use no double negatives.

17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.

19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

20. The passive voice is to be ignored.

21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.

22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.

23. Kill all exclamation points!!!!

24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.

25. Understatement is probably not the best way to propose earth shattering ideas.

26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.

27. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."

28. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.

29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.

30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

31. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

32. Who needs rhetorical questions?

33. Exaggeration is a million times worse than understatement.

34. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

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December 16, 2010

Last month a world-wide survey was conducted by the UN.

The only question asked was: "Would you please give your
honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the
rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure because of the following:

1. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.

2. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.

3. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.

4. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.

5. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.

6. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.

7. In the US they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

8. In UK they hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent.

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December 1, 2010

Movie List - 11/2010

Since I forgot about this section of my blog, I decided to forgo the rating system and just list the movies that I've watched during that particular month. Any movie that is highlighted should definitely be checked out! Movies that are in bold are considered to be good, but not great. (6/27/2011)

Movie List - 11/2010


Babylon A.D.
Madea's Big Happy Family: The Play
The Expendables
Deadly Voyage
Leaves of Grass
Shaq & Cedric the Entertainer Present...
The Exorcist 3
Mirrors 2
The Last Airbender
Rescue Dawn
The Girl Who Played with Fire
The Butterfly Effect 2
The Square
The Karate Kid

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