June 30, 2011

A woman in labor is screaming profanity at her husband from her hospital bed.
He says, "Hey, don't blame me! I wanted to put it in your ass but no, you thought that might hurt!"


I'd just come out of a Supermarket with a roasted chicken, French fries, large chips, and a 12 pack of beer.

A poor homeless man sat on the curb and said to me as I passed by, "I haven't eaten for two days!"

I told him, "That's great. I wish I had your will power."

Source: www.laffaday.com

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June 29, 2011

The female dentist pulls out a numbing needle to give the man a shot.

"No way! No needles. I hate needles" the patient said.

The dentist starts to hook up the nitrous oxide and the man objects again.

"I can't do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on suffocates me!"

The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill.

"No objection," the patient says. "'I'm fine with pills."

The dentist steps out of the office and returns a moment later, "Here's a Viagra."

The patient says, "Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as a painkiller!"

"It doesn't" said the dentist, "but it's going to give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth.

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June 27, 2011

What we leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others. -- Pericles

Those who have knowledge, don't predict. Those who predict, don't have knowledge. --Lao Tzu

Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world. --Albert Einstein

Beware of false knowledge; it is more dangerous than ignorance. --George Bernard Shaw

We learn more by looking for the answer to a question and not finding it than we do from learning the answer itself. - Lloyd Alexander

We cannot change our past. We can not change the fact that ppl act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have & that is our attitude. - Chuck Swindoll

The more elaborate our means of communication, the less we communicate. - Joseph Priestly

We can have democracy in this country, or we can have great wealth concentrated in the hands of a few but we can't have both. - Louis Brandeis

People take different roads seeking fulfillment & happiness. Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost. - H Jackson Brown, Jr

They will envy you for your success, for your wealth, for your intelligence, for your looks, for your status - but rarely for your wisdom. --Nassim Taleb

You can tell more about a person from their kindness to strangers than you can from any words they might say. --Gail Lynne Goodwin

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June 17, 2011

A woman calls her lawyer and asks...

"With all the lawsuits going on, I want to get in on some of that action. I hear people are suing cigarette companies because they got cancer and others are suing McDonalds because they got fat."

"And which one of those categories do you fit under?"

"Neither," says the women. "I just want to know if I can sue Budweiser for all the ugly men I've slept with."

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June 1, 2011

Movie List - 5/2011

Any movie that is highlighted should definitely be checked out! Movies that are in bold are considered to be good, but not great.

Movie List - 5/2011


The Dilemma
The Green Hornet
Blue Valentine
I Saw the Devil
Gnomeo and Juliet
I Am Number Four
Vanishing on 7th Street
The Mechanic
The Girl Next Door (very violent)
The Hit List
Black Death
Look Around You: Series 1
Big Love: Season 4
Casino Jack
A Somewhat Gentle Man
Little Fockers

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