June 28, 2008


Two patients limp into two different medical clinics with the
same complaint. Both have trouble walking and appear to
require a hip replacement.

The first patient is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the
same day and has a time booked for surgery the following week.

The second sees his family doctor after waiting a week for an
appointment, then waits eight weeks to see a specialist, then
gets an x-ray, which isn't reviewed for another week, and
finally has his surgery scheduled for six weeks from then.

Why the different treatment for the two patients?

The first is a Golden Retriever.

The second is a Senior Citizen.

June 27, 2008

Carlin Videos 2

Did I mention how much I love Mr. Carlin? lol Here are some more videos!

On Stuff

On Language

On Saving the Planet

On White people

On the 10 Commandments

Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/

George Carlin Videos

In a career spanning a half-century, Carlin's comic routines tended toward social commentary and satire, with a deep and abiding love for the vagaries and peculiarities of the English language and a fearless embrace of the profane. The apotheosis of Carlin's comic mind probably came in the form of his famous "Seven Words You Can't Say On Television" routine. The original routine can be read here. Below, Carlin does a variation. Yeah, it is Not Safe For Work.

Carlin's career took him from the stand up circuit to a television career that spanned four decades and included fourteen HBO specials, including 2008's It's Bad For Ya. He also appeared in over fifteen movies, most notably in the "Bill And Ted" franchise and a handful of late-career appearances in the movies of Kevin Smith. He's won a Grammy Award and was named the second-greatest stand-up comedian of all time by the Comedy Central network, behind only Richard Pryor. Carlin was often a deeply dark, deeply cynical, and deeply accurate observer of human nature. You probably should have listened to him, especially with the AP running a story this weekend with the fatalist headline "Everything seemingly is spinning out of control." His death is an irreplaceable loss.

June 26, 2008

The Lion and The Gorilla

A lion is drinking from a puddle and his tail is up. A 
gorilla walks up behind him, seizes the opportunity, and 
slips the lion a Liberace. 

The gorilla takes off and the lion takes off after him. 
The gorilla runs into a hunter's camp, jumps into a tent, 
puts on a safari outfit and a pith helmet, grabs a copy of 
The Johannesburg Times, sits down and pretends to read. 

The lion runs into the camp, sticks his head into the tent 
and roars, "Arrgg! Did a gorilla come through here?" 

The gorilla says, "You mean the one that nailed you in the 
The lion says, "You mean it's in the paper already?" 

June 24, 2008

George Carlin's Words of Wisdom

"The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but

shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints.

We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less.

We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time.

We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment,

more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too

little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too

tired, read too little, watch TV too much , and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.

We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life.

We've added years to life not life to years.

We've been all the way to the moon and back, but

have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor.

We conquered outer space but not inner space.

We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul.

We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice.

We write more, but learn less.

We plan more, but accomplish less.

We've learned to rush, but not to wait.

We build more computers to hold more information,

to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small

character, steep profits and shallow relationships.

These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes.

These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality,

one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything

from cheer, to quiet, to kill.

It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom.

A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can

choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember, spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not

going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because

that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the

only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones,

but most of all mean it.

A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person

will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the

precious thoughts in your mind.


Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,

but by the moments that take our breath away."

George Carlin

June 23, 2008

George Carlin







June 21, 2008


"Y'all got any American razor blades in here?" the Texan  
asked the London pharmacist. "All I see are these damn  

"Sir," the Englishman patiently replied, "Wilkinson has  
been producing the finest surgical instruments, weapons  
and razors since before Waterloo."  

"I don't give a damn if they passed them out on Noah's  
Ark if they ain't any good," the Texan retorted.  

"I can assure you they are very good sir." the peeved  
druggist said. "Why just last year, my wife swallowed  
one. It gave her a tonsillectomy, an appendectomy, a  
hysterectomy, circumcised the gardener, emasculated a  
neighbor, cut two of a delivery boy's fingers off at the  
knuckle - and I still got 10 shaves out of it." 

June 20, 2008

My First Comedy Show

Last night, I attended a free concert in Central Park hosted by Comedy Central.
It featured Steven Lynch and Mike Birbiglia, two hilarious comedians.

Steven Lynch

Mike Birbiglia "I'm a bear, etc."

Two hilarious comedians! You should definitely check them out when you can!
I was shocked that they would give a free show and put these two great comics on it!

June 1, 2008

Attitude, after all, is everything.

Worth remembering

John is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, 'If I were any better, I would be twins!'

He was a natural motivator.

If an employee was having a bad day, John was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up and asked him, 'I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?'

He replied,
'Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or ... you can choose to be in a bad mood. I choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or...I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or... I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life'.

'Yeah, right, it's not that easy,' I protested.

'Yes, it is,' he said. 'Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's your choice how you live your life.'

I reflected on what he said. Soon hereafter, I left the Tower Industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.

Several years later, I heard that he was involved in a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower.

After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, he was released from the hospital with rods placed in his back.

I saw him about six months after the accident.

When I asked him how he was, he replied, 'If I were any better, I'd be twins..Wanna see my scars?'

I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone through his mind as the accident took place.

'The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my soon-to-be born daughter,' he replied. 'Then, as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or...I could choose to die. I chose to live.'

'Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?' I asked

He continued, '..the paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read 'he's a dead man'. I knew I needed to take action.'

'What did you do?' I asked.

'Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me,' said John. 'She asked if I was allergic to anything 'Yes, I replied.' The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, 'Gravity'.'

Over their laughter, I told them, 'I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead.'

He lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude... I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully.

Attitude, after all, is everything.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.' Matthew 6:34.

After all today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
Source: Unknown