June 26, 2010

Don goes into business for himself. He buys a hotdog cart
and sets it up in a prime spot on a busy downtown corner,
right near a large bank.

One day, his friend Jim approaches him and asks Don if he
can lend him some money.

Don refuses.

"But why?" asks Jim. "Everyone knows you're doing well, and
I'm not asking for much."

"Well, Jim, in order to get this spot I had to sign a Non-
competition Agreement with that bank over there. According
to the terms of the agreement, they're don't sell hot dogs,
and I don't lend money."


A little boy walked up to the librarian to check out a book

When the librarian asked him if it was for his mother, he
answered 'no.'

"Then why are you checking it out?"

"Because," said the little boy confidently, "I just started
collecting moths last month!"

Source: www.laffaday.com

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June 12, 2010

The preacher is dying

An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his banker and his lawyer, both church members, to come to his home.

When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled, and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything.

Both the banker and lawyer were touched and flattered that the preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moments. They were also puzzled; the preacher had never given them any indication that he particularly liked either of them. They both remembered his many long, uncomfortable sermons about greed, covetousness, and avaricious behaviour that made them squirm in their seats.

Finally, the banker said, "Preacher, why did you ask us to come?"

The old preacher mustered up his strength and then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I want to go."

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June 10, 2010

The Life Cycle

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean,
life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you
get in the end of it? Death. What's that...a bonus? I think
the life cycle is all backwards.

(1) You should die first, you know, start out dead, get it
out of the way. You wake up in a an old age home, feeling
better every day.

(2) You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect
your pension, then, when you start work, you get a gold
watch on your first day.

(3) You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy
your retirement. You drink alcohol, you party, play golf,
you're generally promiscuous (hey, you've only got a few
years left, what's the big deal?!?) and you get ready for
High School.

(4) Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you
play, you have no responsibilities, and, finally, you become
a baby;

(5) The last step, you spend your last 9 months floating
peacefully with luxuries like central heating, spa, room
service on tap, larger quarters everyday, then you finish
off as an orgasm!

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June 1, 2010

Movie List - 5/2010

Since I forgot about this section of my blog, I decided to forgo the rating system and just list the movies that I've watched during that particular month. Any movie that is highlighted should definitely be checked out! Movies that are in bold are considered to be good, but not great. (6/27/2011)

Movie List - 5/2010


Home Movie
Katt Williams: It's Pimpin' Pimpin'
The Stoning of Soraya M.
The Road
Big Love: Season 3
The Box
Ghost Hunters: Season 2
The Hurt Locker
The Spy Next Door
The Messenger
Who Can Kill a Child?
The Prophecy
Good Hair
An American Crime
Dexter: Season 3
Monk: Season 7
The Time Traveler's Wife
My Fake Fiancé

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