March 31, 2011

Eric is sitting at the bar staring morosely into his beer.
Tom walks in, sits down and asks him what the problem is.
"Well," said Eric, "I ran afoul of one of those awkward questions women ask. Now I'm in deep trouble at home."

"What kind of question?" asked Tom.

"My wife asked me if I would still love her when she gets old, fat and wrinkly."

"That's easy," said Tom. "You just say 'Of course I will'".

"Yeah," said Eric, "That's what I wanted to do, except I said 'Of course I DO...'"


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March 22, 2011

Differences between men and women

If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch,
they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and

If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately
refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and

When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each
throw in a $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of
them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit
they want change back.

When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but
it's on sale.

A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving
cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom
is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that... is the beginning of a new

Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men
kick cats.

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants,
empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get
the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife
can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and
she does.

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March 20, 2011

A wife and her husband attended a very important business
party thrown by her boss where the husband may have had one
or two more than he should have.

On the way home from the party, the woman said to her
husband, "Have I ever told you how handsome and sexy and
totally irresistible to all women you are?"

"Why no," said the husband, deeply flattered.

"Then what gave you that idea at the party?!" she yelled.

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March 11, 2011

A couple, both age 68, went to a sex therapist's office. The
doctor asked, "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Will
you watch us have sexual intercourse?" The doctor looked
puzzled, but agreed.

When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing
wrong with the way you have intercourse," and charged them

This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make
an appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the
doctor, then leave.

Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying
to find out?"

The old man said, "We're not trying to find out anything.
She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and
we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The
Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50, and I get $43
back from Medicare."

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March 9, 2011

Quick Length Check

Length Check

Length Check

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Lent is About Sacrifice, Not a Dare!

"RT @M3RLz: Why would you celebrate lent if you never go to church?!
I'm so confused... Just call it a dare since that's basically what it is."
As a person who was born and raised in church, I am greatly offended when people use religion as an excuse when it suits their needs. One current pet peeve is hearing people say that they are celebrating Lent but cannot for the life of them remember the last time that they attended a church service.

By definition, the season of Lent is the time of preparation for Holy Week, leading up to Easter. According to Wikipedia, the purpose of Lent "is the preparation of the believer — through prayer, repentance, almsgiving and self-denial — for the annual commemoration during Holy Week of the Death and Resurrection of Jesus". Lent should not be taken as a joke. While most people use it to become closer to God, others are "observing" the religious holiday as a challenge to see if they can avoid doing a certain thing or avoid a certain food for 40 days.

As someone who does not take God or the Christian religion lightly, I am appalled to hear someone say: "I'm giving up [ ] for Lent". Will that bring you closer to God in any way? Will you use that time to pray more or to attend more services? Of course not, so you're not really celebrating Lent, you're challenging yourself to see if you can make it without something for 40 days; or you can even call it a self-imposed dare.

You might be wondering why a person who has been missing so many church services would be insulted by such statements. To be honest, I think I'm entitled since I'm practically a PK aka Preacher's Kid. For 24 years straight, I've been in church every single Sunday and have attended non-Sunday services. I've sung in countless church concerts and my mother has held high-ranking positions in every church that we've attended, therefore basically giving my sister and I the Preacher's Kid treatment. Even when I had chest pains (which was often due to my poor eating habits) or when I twisted my knee or ankle (which was also often since I was active even though I have weak ankles), I was there with cane in hand on a few occasions.

My very religious mother didn't exactly give me a choice; It was either go, or get out. I was never given a choice of accepting a corporal punishment/spanking or going to a Sunday night or a week-day service instead. "If you're not going to go to church, get out of my house." Anyone who knows my mother, knows that she does not joke around when it comes to anything related to God, so it was never a bluff.

When I tried to test her leniency, out of spite, she made me join three church choirs, which meant that I had to go to three, yes three, churches every Sunday. For more than five years of my life, I attended a Pentecostal, Methodist, and a Baptist church each Sunday. So yes, I'm entitled to be upset when people disrespect an important aspect of my religion.

Bottom line: Lent is meant to be a sacrifice, not a dare.

I know I haven't been on in months, but I had to come back since I didn't feel like bombarding my followers on twitter or my friends on facebook with how I was feeling. What's a blog, if not for posting frustrations?

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my sense of entitlement was in regard to being upset about people misusing the term "Lent", not about redemption or salvation.***

March 8, 2011

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top
of their car which said: "Two Prostitutes -- $50.00."

A policeman, seeing the sign, Stopped them and told them they
would either have to remove the sign Or go to jail.

Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying:

One of the girls asked the officer, "How come you don't stop

"Well, that's a little different," the officer smiled. "Their
sign pertains to religion."

So the two ladies of the night frowned as they took their
sign down and drove off.

The following day found the same police officer In the area
when he noticed the two ladies Driving around with a large
sign on their car again.

Figuring he had an easy arrest, he began to catch up with
them when he noticed the new sign which now read:

"Two Fallen Angels Seeking Peter -- $50"

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March 4, 2011

A man comes to his doctor and tells him that his wife hasn't
had sex with him for 6 months. The doctor tells the man to
bring his wife in so he can talk to her. So the wife comes
into the doctors office and the doc asks her what's wrong,
and why doesn't she want to have sex with her husband anymore.

The wife tells him, "Money has been really tight for us lately,
so I got a job downtown. For the past 6 months, every morning
I take a cab to work. I don't have any money so the cab driver
asks me, 'So are you going to pay today or what?' so I take a
'or what'. When I get to work I'm late so the boss asks me,
'So are we going to write this down in the book or what?' so
I take a 'or what'.

Back home again I take the cab and again I don't have any
money so the cab driver asks me again, 'So are you going to
pay this time or what?' so again I take a 'or what'. So you
see doc when I get home I'm all tired out, and I don't want
it any more."

The doctor thinks for a second and then turns to the wife and
says, "So are we going to tell your husband about this or

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March 1, 2011

Movie List - 2/2011

Any movie that is highlighted should definitely be checked out! Movies that are in bold are considered to be good, but not great.

Movie List - 2/2011


The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
United States of Tara: Season 2
Saw: The Final Chapter
The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest
Out of the Blue
Death Race 2
Paranormal Activity 2
You Again
The Bourne Supremacy

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