I've recently been in a happy-go-lucky mood, but with three hours left in 2011, I was given a taste of that very unpleasant reality that I've been running from. That very same one that is ignored once that musical beat starts to play. That very same one that is paused at the onset of any movie that this movie addict gets her hands on. That very same one that always magically disappears when this foodie stuffs her face with a mouth full of delicious food.
But this time hurt more than ever before.
Same scenario, same person, same words.
Yet this time, the blade was bigger and felt razor sharp. Pierced me in a way that I was not prepared for.
Still, I brushed my teeth, showered, got dressed and went to the last place where my bitter, disappointed heart wanted to be: church.
I knew 2012 would be a better year, but it would definitely ring in on the wrong foot.
Fast forward to the countdown. I arrived scorned and angry, but now I was overcome with a feeling of despair and hopelessness.
Why was I here in the exact same dilemma, in the exact same place, where I never chose to be?
Can one truly be too naive to fathom what the future holds?
How many humiliating defeats must occur before realizing that some battles are not meant to be won; that this victory might really be unattainable?
When can you walk away, knowing that you've given it your best and have given it your all?
So as the countdown began, my emotions got the best of me.....I deserve to be happy!
I deserve to be loved!
I deserve to be acknowledged!
I deserve to feel and be whole!
FUCK YOU NEW YEAR!!!!
FUCK YOU for every tear that will be cried
and every second of sorrow that will be felt!
And at that moment I felt a sigh of relief.
Wrong time, and definitely wrong place....
I am only human.
So as I sip this vodka/pineapple/cranberry martini, I bid you a happy new year. May your heart be filled with peace, joy, and love, and may God smile upon you and bless you with a prosperous new year. - MღRLz
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