Origin of the hand signals

What's the origin of the hand signals used in baseball today?

In the early 1900s, the New York Giants baseball team had a
pitcher named Luther H. Taylor. He was a deaf mute who was, in
an era of insensitivity, nicknamed "Dummy." Taylor lost a lot
of games due to his inability to communicate with his teammates.

John McGraw, the manager of the Giants, was under enormous
pressure from the team's owner, the fans and the sportswriters
to trade Taylor. Instead, McGraw (who seems to have been a Giant
of a man) required the entire Giant team to learn American Sign
Language. Once that was accomplished, McGraw used hand signals
to lead his team.

That's the origin of the hand signals that are used in baseball
today.   

Bill Gates

Just found out a couple of important facts about Bill Gates. I'm sure this has been circulating all over the place, but I never cared enough ...well until now anyway.

The Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation is worth $38.7 billion. How convenient, right?
Of course, they donate to aide the poor.

But what I didn't know was that they also donate to speed up the development of vaccines for AIDS, malaria, and tuberculosis.

I wonder when AIDS will finally be cured....maybe around the time of my grandchildren. The medical companies make way toooooo much money on the cocktails to ever think about giving up a vaccine! (Yeah, I know I sound a little looney, but there's always a conspiracy! After all this time, they should at least be a quarter of the way to curing it!!!)

As if they weren't giving away enough money, they also donate to America's education system. (That's good that someone is trying to educate those idiots who are going off to college when they still can't read at a 10th grade level. I wouldn't be surprised if America ended up like in the movie Idiocracy (2006).) I guess they also want another future for these future McDonald's' employees. lol

Now I bet you're wondering if Gates donates his own money for these charities. Well he doesn't; Would you? Instead he sells somewhere about 20 million Microsoft shares every quarter. Also, the richest man in the world (for 2008 anyway) Warren Buffett, who is also a friend of the family, has given at least $31 billion as gifts. He's worth more than $62 billion and he's leaving most to charity once he croaks!

I bet hundreds of people are still peeved that they didn't buy a couple of shares 33 years ago.... lol
oh well!

Religious Quotes

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
Happy moments, praise God.
Difficult moments, seek God.
Quiet moments, worship God.
Painful moments, trust God.
Every moment, thank God.

"I AM Too blessed to be stressed!"

The shortest distance between a problem and
a solution is the distance between your knees and the floor.
The one who kneels to the Lord can stand up to anything.
Love and peace be with you forever,

Amen.

Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation:
the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak. MATTHEW 26:41

"A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ, a man would have to find Him first to seek her"

Inspirational Quotes

Remember that you are needed.
There is at least one important work to be done
that will not be done unless you do it.
--- Charles Allen

A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable
but more useful than a life spent doing nothing."
---George Bernard Shaw

"My sense of self and sense of self worth is not determined
by the color of my skin." --Halle Berry

"A man who won't die for something is not fit to live."
-Martin Luther King, Jr

One never notices what has been done; 
one can only see what remains to be done.  
 --Marie Currie 

The thing that makes you exceptional, if you are at all, 
is inevitably that which must also make you lonely. 
--Lorraine Hansberry

Quotes About LOVE

YOU THINK YOU WANT TO JUST DIE...
BUT THE TRUTH IS...
YOU JUST WANT TO BE SAVED.

You can close your eyes
to things you don’t want to see,
but you can’t close your heart
to things you don’t want to feel.

"ONE DAY YOU'RE GOING TO WAKE UP

AND REALIZE HOW MUCH YOU CARE FOR HER,
AND WHEN THAT DAY COMES
SHE'LL BE WAKING UP NEXT TO THE GUY
THAT ALL READY KNEW."

Life is short,
Break the rules,
Forgive quickly,
Kiss slowly,
Love truly,
Laugh uncontrollably,
And never regret anything that made you smile.

"People will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did,
but People will never forget how you made them feel."

Being Gay

"I'd rather be black than gay because when you're black you
don't have to tell your mother."        ---Charles Pierce 

Source: http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/f58e763460

French Army

A long time ago, Britain and France were at war. During
one battle, the French captured an English major. Taking
the major to their headquarters, the French general began
to question him. The French general asked, "Why do you
English officers all wear red coats? Don't you know the
red material makes you easier targets for us to shoot?"

In his bland English way, the major informed the general
that the reason--English officers wear red coats is so
that if they are shot, the blood won't show and the men
they are leading won't panic.

And that is why from that day to now all French Army
officers wear brown pants.

Source: 
http://laffaday.gophercentral.com

Clever insults

These glorious insults are from an era when cleverness with words was still valued, before a great portion of the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.


The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison," and he said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "on whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway). "Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." Moses Hadas

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." Abraham Lincoln

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends" Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend....if you have one." George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill. Winston Churchill, in response: "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others." Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." Paul Keating

"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." Jack E. Leonard

"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." Thomas Brackett Reed

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." Billy Wilder

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." Groucho

Source:
http://laffaday.gophercentral.com

Little Zachary

Little Zachary was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything... Tutors, Mentors, flash cards, Special learning centers. In short, everything they could think of to help his math.

Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school. After the first day, little Zachary came home with a very Serious look on his face. He didn't even kiss his mother Hello. Instead, he went straight to his room and Started studying. Books and papers were spread Out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at work.
His mother was amazed. She called him down to dinner.

To her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as before. This went on for some time, day after day, while the mother Tried to understand what made all the difference.Finally, little Zachary brought home his report card. He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his Room and hit the books. With great trepidation, His Mom looked at it and to her great surprise, Little Zachary got an "A" in math. She could no Longer hold her curiosity.

She went to his room and said, "Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?" Little Zachary looked at her and Shook his head, no. "Well, then," she replied, Was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the Uniforms? "WHAT WAS IT ALREADY?"

Little Zachary looked at her and said, "Well, on The first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to The plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around."

Source: Unknown

Trip to Vegas

A businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost
the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and
the second half of his round-trip ticket. If he could just get
to the airport he could get himself home.

So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab
waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He
promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his
credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address,
all to no avail.

The cabbie said, "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the
hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch-
hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.

One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to
regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time
he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to
the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport.
Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of
cabs but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when
he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment
about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity,
and he hit on a plan.

The businessman got in the first cab in the line, "How much
for a ride to the airport," he asked?

"Fifteen bucks," came the reply.


"And how much for you to blow me on the way?"

"What? Get the hell out of my cab!"

The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line
and asked the same questions, with the same result. When he
got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and
asked "How much for a ride to the airport?"

The cabbie replied "fifteen bucks."

The businessman said "OK," and off they went.

Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs the
businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver.

Source:
http://laffaday.gophercentral.com 

1000 Saturdays ...

The older I get,
the more I enjoy Saturday mornings.
Perhaps it's the quiet solitude that comes
with being the first to rise, or maybe it's the
unbounded joy of not having to be at work.
Either way, the first few hours of a Saturday morning
are most enjoyable.

A few weeks ago,
I was shuffling toward the kitchen with a steaming cup
of coffee in one hand and the morning paper in the other.
What began as a typical Saturday morning
turned into one of those lessons that life seems
to hand you from time to time.
Let me tell you about it.

I turned the volume up on my radio
in order to listen to a Saturday morning talk show.
I heard an older sounding chap with a golden voice.
You know the kind, he sounded like he should be in the broadcasting business himself.

He was talking about "a thousand marbles"
to someone named "Tom." I was intrigued
and sat down to listen to what he had to say.

"Well, Tom, it sure sounds like you're busy with your job.
I'm sure they pay you well but it's a shame
you have to be away from home and your Family so much.
Hard to believe a young fellow should have to work sixty
or seventy hours a week to make ends meet.
Too bad you missed your daughter's dance recital."

He continued, "Let me tell you something Tom,
something that has helped me keep
a good perspective on my own priorities."

And that's when he began to explain his theory of a
"thousand marbles."

"You see, I sat down one day and did a little arithmetic.
The average person lives about seventy-five years.
I know, some live more and some live less,
but on average, folks live about seventy-five years."

"Now then, I multiplied 75 times 52 and I came up with
3900 which is the number of Saturdays that the
average person has in their entire lifetime.
Now stick with me Tom, I'm getting to the important part."

"It took me until I was fifty-five years old
to think about all this in any detail," he went on,
"and by that time I had lived through over
twenty-eight hundred Saturdays.
I got to thinking that if I lived to be seventy-five,
I only had about a thousand of them left to enjoy."

"So I went to a toy store and
bought every single marble they had.
I ended up having to visit three toy stores to roundup
1000 marbles.
I took them home and put them inside of a large,
clear plastic container right here in my workshop
next to the radio. Every Saturday since then,
I have taken one marble out and thrown it away."

"I found that by watching the marbles diminish,
I focused more on the really important things in life.
There is nothing like watching your time
here on this earth run out to help get your priorities straight."

"Now let me tell you one last thing before I sign-off with you
and take my lovely wife out for breakfast.
This morning, I took the very last marble out of the container.
I figure if I make it until next Saturday then God has blessed me
with a little extra time to be with my loved ones......

"It was nice to talk to you Tom,
I hope you spend more time with your loved ones,
and I hope to meet you again someday.
Have a good morning!"

You could have heard a pin drop when he finished.
Even the show's moderator didn't
have anything to say for a few moments.
I guess he gave us all a lot to think about.
I had planned to do some work that morning, then go to the gym.
Instead, I went upstairs and woke my wife up with a kiss.
"C'mon honey, I'm taking you and the kids to breakfast."

"What brought this on?" she asked with a smile.
"Oh, nothing special," I said.
" It has just been a long time since we spent a Saturday together
with the kids. Hey, can we stop at a toy store while we're out?
I need to buy some marbles."

Source: Unknown

A young couple

A young couple were kissing passionately when, suddenly, the young man pulled back, smiled, and said, "Oops, I have your gum."

She looked puzzled as she said, "But I wasn't chewing gum."
Then the light dawned as she said, "But I have a cold."

Redneck Pick up Lines

REDNECK PICK UP LINES


1) Did you fart?
cuz you blew me away.

2) Are yer parents retarded?
cuz ya sure are special.

3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea:
I can't hold it in.

4) Do you have a library card?
cuz I'd like to sign you out.

5) If you was a tree 'n I were a squirrel, I'd store my nuts in yer hole.

6) You might not be the best lookin' girl here, but beauty's
only a light switch away.

7) Man - "Fat Penguin!"
Woman - "WHAT?"
Man - "I just wanted to say something that would break the ice."

8) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

9) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin', we kin sleep
til afternoon.

10) Yer face reminds me of a wrench:
every time I think of it my nuts tighten up.

Source:
http://laffaday.gophercentral.com

HUMAN GIANT: SEX TAPE

I laughed so much, I got a headache!

I love Will Arnett. "I'm gonna babysit your vagina!" lmao

Source: http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/4f551b0252

A Black Man

Why is it that a Black Man can create a tiny piece called a filament (electric light - Lewis Latimer) that allows people to see in the dark, but can't be seen fit to lead a country to the true light?

Why is it that a Black Man can create an instrument (clock - Benjamin Banneker) that all people use to tell time, but people don't think it is time for him to run a country?

Why is it that a Black Man can design a place for the high authorities to meet in & a place for the president to live in (The Capital & the White House (Phillip Reid (a slave) & Pierre L'Enfant), but not good enough to lead these meetings or live in himself?

Why is it that a Black Man was brilliant enough to do the first open heart surgery (Dr. Daniel Hale Williams) and show the world how to get and preserve plasma (Dr. Charles Drew), but not good enough to put a program in place where everyone can afford this surgery?

Why is it that a Black Man was creative enough to design an instrument (traffic light - Garrett Morgan) to bring multiple people (traffic) to a halt, but not seen as creative enough to design a plan to bring all this unnecessary and worthless fighting between countries to a halt?

Why is it that a Black Man could create the soles (shoes - Jan Matzeliger) that people walk on everyday, but not seen good enough to fill the shoes of a bad president?

Why is it that a Black Man was smart enough & brave enough to teach himself (Fredrick Douglas & Thomas Fuller - both slaves) and others how to read, write and/or calculate math, but not seen smart enough and bold enough to calculate a platform to be President to a country that sure needs another first by us?

So you see my Brother and Sisters what I am saying is let us not forgot our past, which led us to our present and can definitely be the backbone to our future. We were good enough, smart enough, creative enough, and bold enough then, so lets all give Obama the chance to show that we are still these things and more. We all are as strong as our weakest link, so don't be that weak link that denies our people that chance to show we still can OVERCOME & BE THE FIRST!

Source: Fran Dorsey, Ph.D.

5 important lessons

1 - First Important Lesson - Cleaning Lady.

During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions until I read
the last one:

'What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?'

Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50's, but how would I know her name?

I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade.

'Absolutely, ' said the professor. 'In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is
smile and say 'hello.'

I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.

2. - Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain

One night, at 11:30 p.m., an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rain storm. Her car had
broken down and she desperately needed a ride.

Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car.
A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960's. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab.

She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a
giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A special note was attached.

It read:
'Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along.
Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away... God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others.'

Sincerely,
Mrs. Nat King Cole.

3 - Third Important Lesson - Always remember those who serve.

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in
front of him.

'How much is an ice cream sundae?' he asked.
'Fifty cents,' replied the waitress. The little boy pulled is hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it.

'Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?' he inquired.

By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient.

'Thirty-five cents,' she brusquely replied.

The little boy again counted his coins.

'I'll have the plain ice cream,' he said.

The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress
came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies..

You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.

4 - Fourth Important Lesson. - The obstacle in Our Path.

In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the
king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did
anything about getting the stone out of the way.

Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the
stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed
a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand!

Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.

5 - Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When it Counts...

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare & serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had
miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister.

I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, 'Yes I'll do it if it will save her.' As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheek. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded.

He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, 'Will I start to die right away'.

Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her.

Most importantly..................
'Work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt, and
dance like you do when nobody's watching.'

Source: Unknown

Guatemalans

"This week, the U.S. Border Patrol arrested a man responsible
for smuggling thousands of Guatemalans into California. An
angry American official said, 'Those Guatemalans were taking
jobs that should have gone to Mexicans.'" -Conan O'Brien

Source: Conan O'Brien