I copied this from a friend's facebook status! Thanks Yolly.

"Be very careful if you make a woman cry, because God counts her tears. The woman came out of a man's rib. Not from his feet to be walked on. Not from his head to be superior, but from the side to be equal. Under the arm to be protected, and next to the heart to be loved."

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There comes a point in your life when you realize:

Who matters,
Who never did,
Who won't anymore...
And who always will.
So, don't worry about people from your past,
there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.



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A Healthy Level of Insanity

This is one of the funniest emails I've received in a while. Enjoy! :0)

HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and
point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3. Insist that your e mail address is: Xena-Warrior-Princess@... or Elvis-the-King@...

4. Every time someone asks you to do something ask if they want fries with that.

5. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."

6. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

7. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks.
Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

8. In the memo field of all your checks, write 'for sexual favors.'

9. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."

10. Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness
level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.

11. Don't use any punctuation

12. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

13. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

14. Sing along at the opera.

15. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly
the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does.
(This is especially effective if your boss is of the opposite gender.)

16. Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what
you're doing. For example, "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the
bathroom, in stall #3".

17. Call the psychic hot line and don't say anything.

18. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.

19. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I won!, I won! Third time this week!"

20. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the
parking lot, yelling, "Run for your lives; they're loose!"

21. Tell your boss, "It's not the voices in my head that
bother me; it's the voices in your head that do."

22. Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we
are going to have to let one of you go."

23. Every time you see a broom, yell "Honey, your mother is here!"

And finally...

24. Pass along to others so they may enjoy a good laugh or smile! :)

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Movie List - 09/2009

I'm going to start a new category called: Monthly Movie List.
Since I watch so many movies, I'm going to start posting a monthly movie list of movies watched during a particular month. Each movie will be rated, using imdb's method, from 1 (worst movie ever) to 10 (best thing since sliced bread).

Now there will be some favoritism; movies including Denzel Washington, Bruce Willis, and a few others will never be listed under a 5, no matter how horrid! (But let's be serious, they wouldn't ever appear in a crappy movie anyway lol).

Now keep in mind that each movie is rated based on their movie category. For example: "The Marine" is rated 7/10 but had a really crappy script. The 7 pertains to the action sequences, not whether or not it deserves an Oscar! LOL

I definitely want some feedback on movies posted, so please stop being so shy readers! First up: 09/2009

Movie List - 09/2009
________

Stay Alive - 7/10
Dead Calm - 7/10
Coraline - 7/10
Fear Dot Com - 4/10
Sin Nombre - 7/10 (Could have been better!)
Tortured - 7/10
The Foot Fist Way - 7/10 (Could have been better!)
Masters of Horror: John Landis: Family - 7/10
The Red Shoes - 6/10 (I have to re-watch this)
Dance Flick - 6/10 (Could have been better!)
Life and Debt - 8/10
Grandma's Boy - 7/10 (Could have been better!)
The Mutant Chronicles - 7/10
Next Day Air - 7/10 (Funny movie; Could have been better!)
Life Is Hot in Cracktown - 7/10
House of Sand and Fog - 8/10
The Deaths of Ian Stone - 6/10
Three... Extremes/Sam gang yi - 6/10
Ghosts of Girlfriends Past - 6/10 (Could have been better!)
Observe and Report - 6/10 (It wasn't that bad but it wasn't good either!)
Sex Drive - 8/10
Monsters vs Aliens - 7/10 (Could have been better!)
Miami Vice - 3/10 (It wasn't that bad but it wasn't good either!)

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First Time with a Condom

I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so.

I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the corner pharmacy.
There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter,
and she could see that I was new at it.

She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one.

I honestly answered, 'No, this is my first time.' So she
unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her
thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and
secure. I apparently still looked confused. So she looked
all around the store to see if it was empty. It was empty.

'Just a minute,' she said, and walked to the door, and locked
it.

Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her
blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside.
'Do these excite you?' She asked. Well, I was so dumb-struck
that all I could do was nod my head. She then said it was time
to slip the condom on.

As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her
panties and lay down on a desk. 'Well, come on', she said,
'We don't have much time.'

So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately,
I could no longer hold back and KAPOW, I was done within a few
minutes.

She looked at me with a bit of a frown. 'Did you put that
condom on?' she asked.

I said, 'I sure did,' and held up my thumb to show her.

She fainted.

Source: http://laffaday.gophercentral.com

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