Gas

Jay Leno: "After the war, the plan is to divide Iraq into three
parts ... regular, premium, and unleaded."

My wife wanted to go somewhere expensive for our
anniversary, so I took her down the street to
the Sunoco station.

I have my car towed to work because it's cheaper than buying gas.

All in favor of conserving gasoline, please raise
your right foot.

I saw a guy on the street corner, holding up a hat
and a sign that said, "Wife and 2 Cars to Feed."

For our vacation this summer, we're thinking it will
be cheaper to just mail the car.

Jay Leno: "At the gas station near my house they have a
slot on the pump for your credit card, and one right next
to it for your 401-K."

Source: 
http://laffaday.gophercentral.com