99% of ppl - Part 4

Part 4

MUSCLES MCFLAUNTY

This individual (almost always a guy) has been lifting weights since age 4, and never lets you forget about it. He goes to the gym twice a day, wears nothing more covering than a wife beater, and constantly twitches his pecs just to get you to look at his chest. McFlaunty may or may not be otherwise annoying, but it is a known fact that he eats creatine for breakfast, lunch and dinner to increase muscle mass even further; this will result in four different cancers before he is 30. Occasionally, Muscles McFlaunty will have a lisp, in which case, laugh at him.

MRS. DEGREE

Misses degree has no real purpose in college except finding "Mr. Degree" majoring in some lucrative field such as computer programming, premed, law, or engineering. Often packed with great looks, a killer body and half a brain Mrs. Degree has no problem being a mere shadow of their wealthy husband and is always the first to brag and attempt to start "intelligent conversation" on the career of Mr. Degree. Always on the prowl, you may find Mrs. Degree befriending such characters as the Study Nazi, FUCKING DISGUSTING C.S. MAJOR, and the CEO Junior.


SOCIAL DISORDER GUY

Avoided by everyone, this person possess a crippling social tic that goes completely unnoticed to him. If you're unlucky enough to be identified by social disorder guy in public, you will be followed regardless of how much of a hurry you pretend to be in. You will be forced, due to social etiquette, to engage in a meaningless and awkward conversation that will be filled with characterizations of your self image. Social Disorder Guy is completely comfortable stopping on his way to work for fifteen minutes or half an hour to fill you in on one of two things: either his roommate is moving out again or he has a new job. You have no classes with him, and you never see him except for random times during the day around your campus, yet he considers you one of his best friends. You probably are.

THE ANSWER MACHINE

This person gets it! They understand the material. They can answer the hard questions that require logical induction and they can form arguments using the material. Unfortunately, everyone else in the class is either the Quiet, Smart Slacker or The Frat Mattress or I'm Too Important to Be Here. The professor lectures and asks a question and no one will answer. Grated by the awkward silence, The Answer Machine finally answers. The floodgates open. From the rest of the semester onwards, the class is a dialogs between The Answer Machine and the professor interspersed with infrequent, sometimes mind-numbing comments from The Frat Mattress when she's called on and the slacker when they care. But for the most part, it's The Answer Machine. Even when they don't answer, the professor will call on them regardless of whether or not their hand is raised.

THE MEGAPHONE

This guy seems pretty intelligent and contributes with a vast amount of knowledge. Unfortunately he has got no grasp of volume at all. Will scream across the room with a content smile on his face while embarrassing the people around him. When conversing with The Megaphone you can't decide if he is constantly pulling your leg or just doesn't realize what the hell he is telling you. Does never know when to shut up but magically manages to never piss anyone seriously off.

THE GEEK PROVIDER

The provider tends to be everyone's best friend when they need something from him. Of his various requests, he spends the majority of his time lofting and unlofting bunks, or fixing people's computers. When he is not doing this, the provider is somehow nowhere to be found. For extra fun, combine THE PROVIDER with the FOREIGN SILENT CURVE DESTROYER.

For Part 5, click here

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